Mine to Manage

When the day is over
I will not regret
Loving you with all my heart
There's nothing wrong in that

I wouldn't know how to love you only 30%
I only know 100% or nothing at all
Whether it turns out right or wrong
Love is love

Even if I suddenly leave the world as I know it
Without achieving the things in life which I want
Being neglected, unneeded, avoided
It doesn't change love
I just won't be happy like I imagined

But love is love.
I'll manage my heart.
It's mine to manage.

Be Alone

When two people are together, 

And one wants to be alone,

The other will also be alone.

When two people are not together,

And one wants to be alone,

It doesn't matter what happens to the other.

When two people don't find comfort in each other,

They are not together.

When one person finds comfort in another,

And the other doesn't find comfort in him,

Then comfort cannot be sustained.

When one person is not maintaining a relationship,

It will not be maintained.

Eventually nothing will be left to maintain.

Will this ever end?

"I wish I were the last one you message at night before you close your eyes. And the first one you think of when you wake up.

"I wish you would give up on some things which I dislike.
Would you do it if I asked you to?
Am I important enough to ask for that?"

Things that keep me awake.

Sleeping is lovely

Sleeping is so lovely, I love to sleep.
You dream, you rest, you recharge.

Dreaming is lovely, I love to dream.
Reality is not so lovely some times.

When you sleep, you go to another place.
Somewhere else.

When you dream, you do the things you want.
Meet the ones you love.

When you sleep, you aren't lonely anymore.
I wish I could sleep my days away.

Ugly

Extortion.
Intimidation.
Glutton.
Stalker.
Selfish.
Irritant.
Ugly.

My finger nails are the prettiest thing I possess.

It is only natural

As the days past.
As the weeks past.
As the months go by.

We all die a little each day.
It is only natural.

What's to love about life?

Who is speaking?

Where do I belong?
When I cry who's going to hear?

Where do I belong?
Who will love and protect me?

Where is my place?
Who will comfort my sore heart?

Where is my place?
Who will place me as top priority?

Who am I?
What have I done?

Why do we even bother?

There are people who own latest smart phones but can't be bothered reading content from their phones. I wonder why?

I've helped to purchase the phones, spent time sourcing for the phone covers, spent money buying them and spent effort putting on the screen protectors. I wonder why did I bother?

These people ask questions but are uninterested in getting an answer. Or they don't read their phones to catch up with stuff happening during the day, and subsequently ask repeated questions. I wonder why do they bother?

They ask questions and then their eyes are glued to the TV. I wonder why I bothered to reply their questions?

Everyone is busy. So am I. I'm really sleep deficient now and stressed out too, but I'm still writing this entry without anyone to read this. I wonder what's wrong with me?

Drained

Physically. Emotionally.
All my muscles are over worked.
Is this the beginning of my end?
Perhaps.

The social face and the face inside are now on opposite ends of the spectrum.
Its getting hard to smile at the world.
Life drains you out sometimes. (Sometimes?)

Tmr's forecast - grim outlook. Failing heart muscle.

Way to go Poserpup. Great how your life turned out from slogging all these years.

Loser.

Turmoil

Who will save me from this turmoil?
I thought it would be forever.
I thought we would be happy.
Only my pillows know the anguish I feel.

Big time insomnia

Yes I'm troubled. And having insomnia.
Is there any drug that could cure all these? I'd also need it to make me smarter.

That's not true

You tell me you are busy. You tell me you don't have time.

I believed that you were swamped and tell you that it's fine.

You send a message on your phone. You do it all day long.

I watch your eyes light up the night in somewhere I don't belong.

You grabbed your stuff and hop on board to a journey which I can't go.

I'm left behind to ponder what it is you can't forgo.

You do stuff that are fun. You do stuff that are new.

It seems you think that I can't keep up with the interests that you grew.

You say it was a mistake. You say you regret it so.

I watch you make the same choices as the ones not long ago.

You hold my hand with love and hold it to your cheek.

I try to understand you but my mind is all so bleak.

You tell me it is friendship and that special friends are few.

I suggest that I can make friends too but it just seems weird to you.

You know that I get upset with this, yet you two still stick like glue.

I can't take the disappointment anymore from things you say untrue.

Too much untruths and withheld information don't make strong foundation for trust.

My life is such.

My mind is full of lofty dreams. 

Of ambitions and passion bursting at the seams. 

Yet everyday I live the same. 

Nobody but myself to blame. 

My life is such, such is my life.

I imagine days gone by in bliss. 

Wish life could give me a hug and kiss. 

But everyday the heartache grows inside. 

I drop it all and run to hide. 

My life is such, such is my life.

I love nature and wished it loved me back. 

Instead it stabs me in the back. 

My pulsing veins run red it seems. 

I know that I do not bleed green. 

My life is such, such is my life.

The signal sends a happy tone. 

But when I check, it's not to my phone. 

Conversations ceased to come my way. 

No more sharing of things nor "How's today?" 

My life is such, such is my life.

Good company, I once used to be. 

But now it becomes "don't talk to me". 

My thoughts are boring no point to share. 

I'm now uninteresting - this I'm aware. 

My life is such, such is my life.

Slowly I'll try to let it go. 

Stop fighting life just go where it flows. 

It will be okay life just goes on.

Even if it's not a happy song. 

Evening

My favourite time of the day is the Evening.

Took a stroll this evening for a much needed a dose of happy. Amber skies, amber glow bouncing off the rustling leaves, everything seems much more beautiful that way. People seem more relaxed too - from their faces you can tell they're soaking up the moment like I was.

The gusts of wind felt so refreshing. I like how they try and lift me up to tell me "it's going to be okay". My hair, my tee, flapping in the wind, blowing off my lethargy and bad emos.

The skies darkened. I sticked an earphone in my head and put on a soothing tune. The colours in the sky began to take on pink and purple hues. The colours melded together and orchestrated the end of another day. A tinge of sadness set in, still masked by all that excitement in the skies.

I stand in awe of nature's beauty everyday. The lovely scene heals me.

I think my grammar is all over the place in today's post. But I think I'm not gonna fix it. Too tired now.

Life's About

Life isn't about money.
It's not the colour of your hair.
It doesn't matter what you wear.
It's not about matching shoes to pants.
Not about the varnish on your nails.
Not about your occupation, reputation, your position.

It's about you. It's passion, honesty, trust.
It's how you love yourself and how you share your love.
It's the beauty in beautiful things, and also the beauty in ugly ones.
It's time you spent not regretting, yet not forgetting the things you do - words you said - places you've been.

It's about now. Life's about this - and this is life.

Stranger

Twitter and whatsapp have become a friend. I have become a stranger.

My thoughts are bleak on this rainy night and my actions seem a little stranger.

The pain in my body the emptiness in my head - these I know are real. I'm going to sleep it all away and hope I awake another person who's much braver and positive than this weirdo now.

The empty box

There was a box of carton, designed to hold an array of buttons. Fabric ones, plastic ones, and metal ones embellished with fancy gems, the buttons were colorful and seemed to dance around in their partitioned spaces like youths at a discotheque.

The dressmaker was very intrigued by this collection of buttons. "This is interesting," she would think to herself, "I could use this for a gown, this for a shirt, the other for a blouse with matching ribbon trimming". The dressmaker spent days sorting, categorizing, and then reorganizing her box of buttons.

Years went on and the dressmaker produced many well-loved pieces for her distinguished clientele, often finished with buttons from the same carton box, for decorative purposes or for their functionality. The dressmaker was so pleased with her box of buttons she would recommend a variety of designs to customers, show them off to her colleagues, and also the boy at the newspaper stand who has a penchant for small shiny objects. The button box was her best assistant at work.

Eventually button designs began to run out. Each time working on new projects, the dressmaker had to ponder longer and harder on the type and placement of the buttons to perfect her outfits. The leftover buttons began to restrict the way certain clothes were finished, having bigger influence on the creative designs by the dressmaker.

One day the dressmaker made a visit to the store for sewing supplies. The storekeeper directed her to the shelves where she could get more buttons. The dressmaker chanced upon a new carton of buttons filled with all new and never seen before designs. Amazed by her new buttons, she kept popping the box lid up stealing glances at the new buttons. "With this new box of buttons, my work can be interesting again!"

At the workshop, the dressmaker immediately removed the old button box from her workstation. She emptied the box of its few odd numbered buttons, and slid them in a packet then dropped it into her handbag so she could give it to the boy at the newspaper stand the next time she sees him. "He would be quite happy receiving the buttons. There were sparkly ones in there" she chuckled.

The newly purchased button box was set in the spot where the dressmaker used to put the old one. "And what to do with this?" she held the old carton box up to the light. "It's corners are dented, torn on one side and started to yellow from frequent use. This box looks boring and it's empty anyway..."

The dressmaker strolled to the storeroom and opened the door. She fumbled for the switches to turn on the dim tungsten lamp, frowned as she looked around for an unoccupied spot, then flung the old carton box into it. "I'll come back to this boring old box when I find a need for it."

The dressmaker switched off the light and closed the door, going about her chores to unpack and organize her new box of buttons. She did not know that in several months to come she would forget about the old, empty and boring carton box, leaving it to rot in the humid and narrow storeroom. It's fate was with the roaches and silverfish, never reunited with the dressmaker again.

<3

Paws-to-Ponder: Your Sweet Dreams Don't Come True

Your sweet dreams don't come true if that is all you do.
Your toothache's never going away, it'll stick around you everyday.
Time won't be standing still - just because you wished it will.

You'll never learn a skill if you're so afraid to fail.
Your bad hair won't be tamed itself, you'll start to look like something else.
In fifty years to come, life will feel a little dumb.

Hazy Daze Quick Oat Porridge

Today's a holiday in Sg-land and I made effort to get up especially early to get myself some exercise. Then I checked the air pollution readings and went back to bed.

Yes, it's really that bad.
Air quality had been "Very Unhealthy" since this morning. Schools will be closed for tomorrow so our kids and teachers won't be made to suffocate in class.

What a waste of a brilliant holiday today. Everyone's hiding at home. McDonald's and KFC aren't even delivering today (which is, of course, the right thing to do to protect their riders).

On a day like this, I'm not even keen to go to the kitchen to cook a proper meal - my kitchen happens to be sheltered but open-air, and exposed to the elements.

But a Poserpup can't starve on a day like this, can she? Food is King. I'm not gonna stay home hangry.

Easy recipe for a day indoors: Instant oatmeal porridge.
- 2 cups instant oat
- 1 egg
- 1 cubed chicken stock
- 2 tablespoons fried ikan bilis
- 1 tablespoon chopped spring onion
- 2.5 to 3 cups hot water

Nagalot loves ikan bilis and she always keeps a jar on standby in the fridge. These are either store bought ready to eat kind, or sometimes she gets the dried ones and fries them herself.

I have this box of chopped spring onions that were leftovers from my last major cook-off. I washed and dried them, then chopped and stored them in the freezer. Quite a convenient trick to make boring instant food a little more colourful and appetizing.

Also, we ALWAYS have cubed stock at home, it's like an obsession. Definitely these can't beat the home made ones but, well, we want an easy meal on a day like this don't we?

These are the only cheats we'll use in the recipe.

To prepare the oat porridge,
1) Freshly boil a jug of water and add to a large bowl. I'm using the electric kettle kind that you find in hotel rooms. The size gives just about the water we need. The water needs to be really really hot.

2) Dissolve cubed stock in hot water.

3) Crack the egg, and add in slowly to the bowl of hot water while stirring the hot water in a circular motion. I like to go for the 'egg drop soup' type of egg texture.

4) Add the instant oats and stir to avoid clumps.

5) When the liquid is mostly absorbed by the oats and the oats become a creamy texture, the porridge is almost done. Top the porridge with the fried ikan bilis and spring onion.

6) Pour just a little more hot water over the spring onions (mine was from the freezer so I need to make sure they thaw out and are slightly blanched).

7) Adjust the texture to your liking, adding a little more hot water if need be. Add meat or veg if you happen to have them in your fridge. I happened to have bought some mini peppers 2 days back. I popped them into the air fryer on max heat for 10mins and when the outside was blackened and soft, I peeled off the skin and added them to my porridge.

And voila! Enjoy your slightly nutritious, hazy day instant meal!

<3

Here's one to you babes

Today's a day full of prepping and attending a little girl's 1st birthday party.
The lesson I learnt was that, if you intend to give a sincere present - plan plan plan!

Because I didn't, I spent a hectic entire day sourcing and procuring an ideal gift.
I also outsourced some part of the work to Pushy, who's been the kindest to ferry me around and provide the legwork that I couldn't do myself.

The party was at dinner, and a huge one. The place was spilling with familiar faces, and their babies, and the babies had the faces of their parents' familiar faces. It was a successful gathering of old friends.

I was a little zonked and blabbered nonsense to some of them. That's how my brain works these days. Can't go without my 10 hours worth of sleep. Still I'm glad to have been able to catch up with so many friends! Left, right, up, down, full of conversations between which I hopped around. Oh, the social butterfly side of me came out alright. The not alright part was my ability to talk proper.

I wish all the little kids of my dear friends would grow up strong and healthy, and be decent people like their folks. So bab-ified today!

❤